Those Advice shared by A Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly became "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now better used to discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a broader reluctance to talk among men, who still internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."